My T.P. Christmas Tree

Contemplating toilet paper, I have decided it is a much deeper subject than one would suspect. 2020 has become the year of the toilet paper shortage. But no longer, if everyone reads this.

 I am totally against hoarding and I believe there are many silent t.p. hoarders out there. Each time they go to the store they quickly and quietly grab their two-limit stash and instruct family members to do the same.

I never got in to the toilet paper hoarding thing. I didn’t have to and I’ll share my secret with you now. I hope you’ll try it too. It’s the T.P. Christmas tree. Yep, it’s that simple. And before you think you have to go out and buy the toilet paper for your tree let’s do some figuring.

How much is really needed? I go through approximately a roll a month. There are a lot of variables - I am aware of that. 

How much water is getting consumed per day? Eight - eight ouncers for me. Oh and a cup of tea and a large coffee. And a glass of wine. Wow, more liquids than I realized. I’m starting to feel the t. p. panic. 

The amount of fiber we consume may play a roll. (Get it? Roll?) 

The dreaded flu bug/covid bug could be cause for a temporary upswing of use. Maybe just add one additional roll per year to your calculations for that. Depending on how much you get sick.

Company. Normally company just goes “one” but with relatives all bets are off. 

How many squares you use per job is a factor as well, and although I am being very upfront and open with you about this, even I have my limits. To each your own here.

So let’s do the math:

12 rolls x 3 family members = 36.

1 extra roll for sickness 

1 roll for the occasional cleanse

1 roll for when the facial tissues run out

1 additional roll for emergencies 

1 roll for the kids stuffing in as much as possible til the toilet backs up (they won’t do this more than once per year)

4 rolls for company

My total toilet paper tree will be made of 45 rolls. (Oh shoot. I have that many on the shelf. I am a hoarder!)

In conclusion I hope you follow this suggestion and make your own tree. No buying necessary - just go to your stash. If everyone follows this suggestion our toilet paper shortage problem will end. And then nobody will have a need to buy any toilet paper all year. (Hahah you two-limit toilet paper makers who will soon be begging us to take the toilet paper off your shelves.)

P.S. My apologies to the toilet paper employees for taking away next years business but now you can get a head start for the next year which is apparently what toilet paper makers need anyway.

P. S. S. I use Scott toilet paper. It’s one ply. And good for the septic system.